Having Grace by Crissy Goodpaster

Author:Crissy Goodpaster
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2019-08-08T18:51:11+00:00

Part II

Surrender

CHAPTER 3

GOD

When we found out that we were losing Grace, no matter what, the likelihood that we would actually get to take her home alive became a shorter and shorter possibility by the day. I kept thinking, Where is God in this? Where is my God the one I pray to almost every day? Where is God? And more importantly, Does he know what I’m going through right now? Does he care? Why is this happening? Why me? It’s hard to feel those feelings towards God as I grew up being told you don’t question God. God has a purpose; God has a plan, but when the plan looks like it’s the loss of a child, How in hell can that be God’s plan? We all think it when we see something tragic on the news or our loved one is going through something that seems unbearable. And then it happens to you, and you wonder what is going on. You start to question everything, your faith, your friends, your family, yourself. Things that you believed deep down were at the core of who you are, you question. And honestly, how can you not? Your world was just turned upside down, and everything you knew is different. The majority of people will never experience this kind of loss, and I wouldn’t want them to. So they will never really understand. So here is my question, where is God? Luckily, God can handle my questions; God can even handle my anger; he’s good like that. It’s interesting they say that there’s different levels of grief, I think that plays a role. There are also different levels of your relationship with God when you are going through a tragedy such as losing your child. It can mirror and be really similar to the normal steps of grief. I definitely bargained with God, I said, “If you save Grace, I will do anything and everything you would ever need me to do. I will volunteer more; I will give as much money as I can afford, and even if I can’t afford it, I’ll give more. I will be the best person I can possibly be just please save my daughter.” You guys already know if you’ve read this far that I’ve already had the shock, and I’ve already had the denial, lots and lots of denial. I kept thinking, This isn’t really happening, there’s no way, this isn’t happening to my baby. Remember how I said some people said, “Oh, things happen for a reason,” or “Oh, God has a plan.” I don’t think this is true; it’s not God’s plan for someone to lose their child. I think this is a broken world, and unfortunately, children die. It really hurts to say that. It makes me angry even writing it. So let’s not forget about anger. I think the anger for me was the hardest emotion with God. I was so angry at him for not saving her. I feel like the anger lasted the longest.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.